An extended family meal. We are sitting there, eating our turkey (we have multiple Thanksgivings
to get in, so had to do one early). Suddenly, someone brings up the election. I know they voted differently than me. Everyone stops eating. Polite chatter ceases. An awkward silence ensues. It continues until someone makes a random comment about something else. The sigh of relief you hear is the collective exhale around the table that we are moving on to something else.
This scene will unfold around many tables this Thanksgiving. This election has stirred an unrest and a division in us that we have not experienced in some time. All of us are convinced we are right. In past elections, we were passionate about our candidates, but weren’t convinced the other one(s) were so awful. Not this time. We didn’t think the folks who supported the other candidate(s) were so awful. In many cases, not this time.
Now, we sit down to eat and to give thanks together. Your uncle who is passing the green beans; thrilled that Obamacare will be gutted. Couldn’t happen soon enough. Your aunt passing the cranberry sauce; worried that her dear friends may have their marriage nullified if same-sex marriage is reversed. The pain and concern folks have is real. What is one to do? You know when folks rather talk about religion, something must be up.
Here are three ways to have better table talk this Thanksgiving.
Don’t pontificate around the dinner table News flash: No one is really that interested in the article you read on the internet that you keep wanting to talk about. Those gathered around the table love you for who you are, not because you think you are the smartest person in the room. There is a time and place for healthy, informed debate, but the Thanksgiving table is not the place. No one wants a slice of your opinions with their turkey.
Listen more than you talk Jesus shared many meals with folks whom no one else would eat. Tax collectors, sinners, you know the drill. I wonder if he did more talking or more listening? I would guess more listening. He understood that personal and social transformation begins where we are. We don’t know where people are at unless we listen. Listen to what is going on in others’ lives. Their challenges, their joys. Even close family members don’t overtly share everything with one another. Take a listen and you might be surprised by what you hear.
Find common ground Find something, whether silly or serious, that you can talk about. Maybe everyone agrees that your sister-in-law makes terrible mashed potatoes and everyone knows it but her. Hey, it’s a start. God has created life in a way that we have a shared dependence on one another. Whether we recognize it or not, we need one another. This is a gift, not a curse. Find something to discuss that is life-giving and a shared interest. Even if its a mutal dislike of the Dallas Cowboys.
Perhaps our dinner tables can be a source of healing this year. I mean, stranger things have happened. Save the neck for me Clark! Happy Thanksgiving.